I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
