I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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