I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
