ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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