I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
