The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize