So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
