I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
how does that bad decision feel?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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