my shit smells like andre
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
