; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
