The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
