And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
