Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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