in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
