This beer is not sobering me up at all
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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