i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
