I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
