I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
