i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
