chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize