Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
