a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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