dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
