So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize