he looks like a really good dad on facebook
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
