She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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