after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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