Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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