In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
