I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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