i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We need to get me chipped asap
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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