sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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