I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have post one night stand depression
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