As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
