Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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