I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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