Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
