I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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