Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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