i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
