don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
