omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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