I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
