I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
