we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
