So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
