I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
