"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
