the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
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