Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
