..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
