i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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