so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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