you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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