Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
