"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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