Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
