The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
