Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
