i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
