dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
