i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
