I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
