I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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