so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
