no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
