she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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