well I can't set my house on fire every night
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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