Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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