Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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