I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize