he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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