I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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