apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
